The Internet Opens Up On What “Dating” Really Means!

What is a dating red flag to you? Tell me what makes or breaks a date with you in a romantic partner. (v/AskVoat)

submitted 6 hours ago by obviouslyathrowaway

OK so I’m 22. In University. This is supposed to be easy. I’m OK looking I guess, never been that beautiful a gal, but I’m just finding it really hard to find someone who wants more than a quick little fuck and chuck I do keep myself in shape so I get guys hitting on me at bars but I’ve never had a relationship end well that started after I was drunkety drunk in a pub.

Maybe it’s just that I’m chuck material. Maybe it’s because I swear like a sailor. Who knows.

I’ve been using Tinder, OKC, and MyBae and while OKC and MyBae have been getting me matches that share my mindset on dating I’m starting to wonder if there’s something I’m doing on said dates that I should be mindful of. I tend to get a tad nervous and I wonder if that’s something guys won’t be keen on.

Anyway! I ramble too. Share with me your redflags and hell even stories of dates from hell would be fun.




[–] Legionality 17 points (+18|-1) 5 hours ago 

First off: looking for long term relationships in a bar is like looking for a salad in a steak house.

Men aren’t willing to ask women out any more so the ball is in your court (you can thank feminism). If you see a guy you like just ask him out on a date and don’t have sex with him.

If you give up your goods straight away then he will associate you with an easy fuck. If you hang out with him and you both have a good time he will associate you with a good time.



[–] ShowMeYourKitties 8 points (+8|-0) 3 hours ago 

I dunno man, I’ve had a pretty damn good salad in a steakhouse before.



[–] Legionality 0 points (+2|-2) 2.8 hours ago 

You went to a steakhouse and ordered a salad?

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[–] Asstronaut 1 points (+1|-0) 32 minutes ago  (edited 31 minutes ago)

Two of my best longterm (years) relationships have been with women who I met in bars, including my current girlfriend (we’ve been together two+ years now) who I’ll probably marry. Several friends have met their current spouses in bars aswell.

Just sayin’.



[–] Legionality -1 points (+0|-1) 26 minutes ago  (edited 26 minutes ago)

are you 22 at University?

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[–] loltidderkcuf 15 points (+17|-2) 5 hours ago 

Don’t get too drunk, if you’ve cheated don’t mention it (hopefully it’s in your past and you shouldn’t be judged on it), otherwise be honest and ask a lot of questions that are important to you.

I have a three date rule for sex and try not to kiss on date one, mainly because when I was online dating I’d set up 2-3 dates a week and I wanted to keep my head straight.

At 22 you have another relationship or two before you need to get really serious, but you do need to figure out what your priorities are in a relationship and that will involve a lot of platonic dates. I’m serious – sex just complicates things, and while a practice run on date three is fine, making the guy wait until you’re “a thing” will create a lot of mutual respect.



[–] obviouslyathrowaway [S] 3 points (+3|-0) 5 hours ago 

I can see you’ve been downvoted but I do agree with that. I try not to get too drunk and I definitely avoid any serious PDA but I feel that I’m coming across a bit cold.

I don’t’ know. I guess I’ll figure this out eventually!



[–] blastar 14 points (+16|-2) 4 hours ago  (edited 4 hours ago)

How to get a long term relationship:

  1. Don’t be fat

  2. Find someone of your preferred gender

  3. Have sex

  4. If the sex was any good, do it again, otherwise return to step 1

  5. If you still can stand each other, do something else together, in between having sex

  6. Do more other stuff together, while continuing having sex

  7. Congratulations, you now have a great relationship

  8. Continue, don’t get fat

Get rid of the idea that having sex and finding someone for a relationship are different things. You can’t declare a relationship, it has to develop because you like doing stuff together, especially sex. Don’t let anyone fool you, a relationship where you don’t lust for each other is not worth it and will fail eventually.



[–] couchAccount 4 points (+4|-0) 4 hours ago  (edited 4 hours ago)

This is the shit that young adults don’t get, mostly because we keep sex from them. It’s a complete package, not some checklist that makes someone automatically respect you.



[–] Sosacms 0 points (+0|-0) 3 hours ago 

I’ve always taken the opposite approach. Sex is easy to find so why should that take such a priority? The friendship, that’s what is difficult to find so that’s where I focused. It did not go well.

Sex really is the most important part of any relationship. It’s the most powerful expression of all those little emotions being developed and super charging them. Sex doesn’t really create emotions it just increases what’s there, both the good stuff and the bad stuff.

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[–] stretched_girl 8 points (+8|-0) 5 hours ago 

Maybe do some social stuff at the school? Are you certain that the dating sites are the way to go?



[–] obviouslyathrowaway [S] 2 points (+2|-0) 5 hours ago 

Well I don’t think that they are but the social stuff I do with the student societies is great fun but I haven’t met anyone I’d rather like to date. Made some awesome friends though! 🙂



[–] MadAmos 4 points (+4|-0) 4 hours ago 

If you’re relegating people from your social circle and activities to ‘friends’ then you’re limiting yourself to the ‘just wanna get laid’ crowd.

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[–] stretched_girl 1 points (+1|-0) 4 hours ago 

Friends are a start. I have two, now, and have a job where there are other people around. You’ll find the one, but you have to be patient. The better you know someone, the better your chances. But I’m not any sort of expert and actually sort of damaged. I’m doing better than last year at this time, though 🙂 We’re both young (21f) and there’s no need to rush.

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[–] Chance 7 points (+7|-0) 5 hours ago 

This will sound cliche, but seriously you just need to keep talking to people and trying. Don’t put too much thought into it, just do and say whatever comes naturally and try to find someone you “click” with. Don’t force anything, just be the best version of yourself that you can be and hope that corresponds well with your date.

Besides that, in relation to what you asked in your topic title, one small aspect I’ve noticed that’s typically a very poor indicator of a person’s personality is if they have no friends of the same gender (or worse, any at all) or any hobbies/passions. A person without any interest or friends in their life typically is not a very well-rounded character.



[–] roznak 5 points (+6|-1) 5 hours ago  (edited 5 hours ago)

I make a mistake and see what happens. Does she yell at me or does she help me? red flag: Yelling

I once had a girl that yelled at me that if I came withing 0.5 m distance then she would scream and report me to the police. I ran from that girl!



[–] obviouslyathrowaway [S] 0 points (+0|-0) 5 hours ago 

Sounds like a nightmare there! I get wanting personal space with a stranger but having to blurt that out is bizarre!



[–] roznak 0 points (+0|-0) 4 hours ago 

Her kind of reasoning was that since I was her friend I was allowed inside th 1 m barrier. But this was in my early times, I had no success with dating back then. I even had no clue that women/girls could be crazy too.



[–] School_Lunch 4 points (+4|-0) 5 hours ago  (edited 5 hours ago)

Depends, different people have different red flags. It probably is your strategy. Try meeting more people at social events and activities.

Personality wise the number one turn off for me is a negative attitude.



[–] obviouslyathrowaway [S] 1 points (+1|-0) 5 hours ago 

I suppose my problem is I don’t really have a strategy per se. Just always happy to put myself out there.



[–] sakuramboo 3 points (+4|-1) 5 hours ago 

Here is a quick story of a recent date.

Quick back story, I am a Linux Systems Administrator by profession. It’s only natural that at home I run Linux on my computers. Not only is it required for my job, but I feel most comfortable in Linux than in Windows or OSX. So, a few months back I went on a date with someone from OKC.

We spent a while talking about technology, we started talking about the differences between iOS and Android, facebook and other shit social media sites. Then our conversation continued like this.

Her: I’ve always been more attractive to the geeky/nerdy type guys. I even dated a guy once who actually ran Linux. I just can’t trust someone who runs Linux. Like they need to control everything. What do you use?

Me: Linux.

Her: Oh…

Me: Yeah, everything I have runs some distro of Linux.

Her: Ah… I’ll have another beer, please.

Me: Me, too.

That was a pretty big red flag for me.

The thing you need to remember is that most kids your age aren’t looking for relationships. They are looking to get laid. And given the social changes currently going on of men being stigmatized for being men, a lot of men are not looking too intensely on finding a relationship.



[–] TravisHusky 12 points (+12|-0) 5 hours ago 

That is actually really funny; people always hate on Linux.



[–] obviouslyathrowaway [S] 4 points (+4|-0) 5 hours ago 

Yeah this really tickled me haha.



[–] chrimata 3 points (+3|-0) 4 hours ago 

Sounds like a mac user



[–] sakuramboo 1 points (+1|-0) 4 hours ago 

Ha. No, she used Windows. She was smart enough to know now to upgrade to Windows 8.



[–] obviouslyathrowaway [S] 0 points (+0|-0) 5 hours ago 

True. I suppose this is meant to be the “fun experimental stage” but I feel like that was what being in my teens was for really. I’m not ready for marriage but I wouldn’t mind some emotional intimacy you know?



[–] sakuramboo 2 points (+2|-0) 4 hours ago 

Traditionally, college age is the experimental stage. In college you find the real you. Plus, no sense in getting in a relationship without knowing where your career will take you. This is how many men see it. I would hate to get into a relationship only to have to break it off in a year or two because i got offered a job a thousand miles away. Why investing in that level of emotional connections only have it break because of a career?



[–] Butt_Slut 3 points (+3|-0) 4 hours ago 

I’m married, so the point is moot, but my big thing was her family. If her parents split up, it was a deal breaker. If she had a bad childhood, it was a deal breaker. If there was any conflict between relatives, it was a huge red flag.

When you marry a girl, you marry her family too. If you can’t find a wholesome girl – DO NOT SETTLE. Buy a dog or something. When selecting a potential life partner, there should be no compromising your standards.



[–] 9-11 2 points (+4|-2) 5 hours ago 


i dont have any constructive advice to give you, but i would have lots to give to someone (((dating))) you though.



[–] obviouslyathrowaway [S] 0 points (+0|-0) 5 hours ago 

What like?



[–] 9-11 0 points (+2|-2) 5 hours ago 

guy stuff you know, nothing too specific obviously because of limited info.

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[–] smokratez 2 points (+5|-3) 4 hours ago 

Having dated outside of her race. Not being white. Not being conservative.



[–] second_mouse 2 points (+2|-0) 4 hours ago 

If you want to meet someone to start building a life together, you want someone who shares your values and stuff, so…

Put the focus on a shared interest = get involved in something you really like (volunteering, astronomy, yoga, whatever) and from there you can meet someone.

Meetings in clubs are great for one-night stands but not so much for a relationship. They get akward the next morning.

To use a super corny metaphor, you want someone looking in the same general direction you do, not stare awkwardly into each others eyes. That gets old real quick.



[–] Pwning4Ever 2 points (+2|-0) 4 hours ago 

If they are fairly controlling and have a controlling mindset. And worst, trying to control me.

I am a fairly lenient person so i am not controlling at all. Its just a huge difference in mentality if im with a girl like that.



[–] NamelessOne 2 points (+2|-0) 3 hours ago 

I for one recommended you black widow some dudes. Wear sexy clothes and make it the time of their life. When you head back to your place you could kill them and sell their organs(obviously date healthy) and you could use the skin as a leather substitute for your new hhandbag line. It is economical and you get to satisfy your blood lust.



[–] gringo 1 points (+1|-0) 4 hours ago  (edited 4 hours ago)

Some red flags I find worth mentioning:

  • How does the person treat others? Talk about others? The person may treat you the same in the foreseeable future.
  • How much drama had the person in his/her life, or even still have? Past and current drama is a good forecast of future drama. Do you want to make a shitty soap opera out of your life?
  • Addiction problems (yes, alcohol too)
  • Mental problems (especially antisocial, borderline, histrionic, narcisstic, sadistic). NOPE THE FUCK OUT, don’t mingle your privates with crazy. It may fuck up your life forever.

Basically the first two points are good indicators of non obvious mental problems. Borderline personality disorder is especially difficult to spot in the first place, and can be detected by the fact that the person has / had some drama going on.

EDIT: Some typos.



[–] RumpRangerRick 0 points (+0|-0) 5 hours ago 

Crazy eyes. You’ll know ’em when you see ’em. Eyes wide open and her pupils become black holes that want to consume your soul. They always seem to have a crazy energy about them.




[–] Forbin 0 points (+0|-0) 5 hours ago 

What is a dating red flag? One of the biggest red flags is how a woman treats the wait-staff at a restaurant (or employees in general). You would be amazed at the number of women I’ve been out with who are contemptuous towards the wait-staff. They go from being all nice and normal talking to you, to talking down to people in the service industry. It’s as if they’re just dropping the facade they put on for a date and let you see the REAL person–which isn’t pleasant at all. I’d add that I have NEVER seen a man do anything similar, but I’ve seen women do it countless times.

One more note–if you’re trying to find a more serious relationship, using Tinder, OKC, etc., probably isn’t the way to go. Despite what they might claim, dudes use those for hookups. You’re better off getting involved in activities you enjoy and meeting men with similar interests and lifestyles.



[–] obviouslyathrowaway [S] 0 points (+0|-0) 4 hours ago 

Thanks that sounds like solid advice. I HATE how some guys act when we’re being served. Like why be an ass it’s their job to serve you food not to put up with your dickishness.

I’m hearing that a lot so I guess I’ll have to sign up for a few more clubs or something. Universities are TERRIBLE fo meeting people, who’d have thought it eh? 😛



[–] Forbin 0 points (+0|-0) 4 hours ago 

The bottom line is to try to be a nice person, despite the whole dating thing. When a date suddenly goes “Jeckyl & Hyde” and shows an ugly/mean streak, it is kind of scary because you know that YOU could be on the receiving end of that. A person who is genuinely nice and decent is far more attractive than a supermodel bitch.

Depending on what you enjoy (and where you live) you might consider stuff like biking groups, running groups, dodge-ball leagues and stuff like that. I’ve found that active people generally have their shit together more than slackers.



[–] spinnaker 0 points (+0|-0) 4 hours ago  (edited 4 hours ago)

For me it worked like this: I’ve never been a clubber, i rather invite some good friends over, cook something nice for us, open a bottle of wine, maybe watch or movie or even get out some board games. I know, it’s not exactly the “cool thing” to do, but it’s what i enjoy and i stand by it. Because of this, it’s very unlikely that i would ever have met somebody that clicks with me at a club or bar.

My gf and me basically met each other because i started playing Magic the Gathering again. At age 26. You know, this really, really nerdy trading card game that i played as a kid until i grew out of it. I hang out at a local store a little bit, met a a lot of new people, found some amazing friends. And got an invite to a small party a friend of mine threw at his shared flat. His roommate and i clicked, now we’re together for well over a year (obviously she doesn’t play this trading card game ;).

I think this kind of stuff was the best way for me to find a match. Just a rather small birthday party, couple of friends from several different roommates came together. So my advice would be: Do what you enjoy, meet people that share your interest, make new friends and you might also find a match for you :).



[–] Vladimir_Komarov 0 points (+0|-0) 4 hours ago 

Values opposed to mine. It’s important that one knows ones self well to avoid pairing, possibly forever should children become involved, with someone whose values run counter to ones own. For me this is usually a question of religious ferver, but politics and social issues could spoil a relationship in the same way if the two parties find themselves with unrelenting opposing views.



[–] auto_turret 0 points (+0|-0) 4 hours ago 

Always texts her ex’s and tells you that you need not worry. You definitely should worry. Don’t listen to other women telling you that you’re being jealous.



[–] TheDude2 0 points (+1|-1) 4 hours ago 

Just be you. Why are you in a rush? You’re 22 for God’s sake. Have fun.



[–] Starlordwhore 0 points (+1|-1) 4 hours ago 

Too attached and clingy, red flag… Always talking about himself, not asking you questions, controlling, all red flags.



[–] The_Tas 0 points (+0|-0) 3 hours ago 

Saying your in university….



[–] hypersong 0 points (+0|-0) 3 hours ago 

Smoking. I have asthma and allergies, both trigger on smoke. If after movie you need a cig, “Well, if you decide to quit, gimme a call. Bye. What? No; find your own way home, I don’t want you in my car after you smoke. Yes, it does bothers me.” I could list on how I dislike smoking.

Vape is no problem; nothing triggers and no smell.



[–] InHysterics 0 points (+0|-0) 3 hours ago 

In general a deal breaker for me is owning one of those small accessory dogs. I doubt many small dog owners actually bring their dog on a date, which is what you’re specifically talking about; however they will often mention and talk about their small dogs in great detail.



[–] flarflar 0 points (+0|-0) 3 hours ago 

Ffs I know a lot of 18-25 year old and I have to say it is fuckn hard for your group to make connections. Plenty of cousins in laws talk to me about how most guys just want to fuck move on to the next apps haven’t helped it. I’ve told them know what you want you don’t have to fuck to get a guy and join groups of similar interests check online for stuff you like that you are interested in and get to know the person. Also nothing wrong with going out to clubs with friends and just having fun and you might get a number if you try just don’t go home with anyone. I’m sure these are all things that you know. The whole apps and dating services seems to make it less personal. They are great tools just step out of your comfort zone.

I personally met my wife at church and we were friends and I dated her best friend before we dated. Not saying go to church for women because that wasn’t my thing I WAS a hardcore Jesus man it just happened. We are totally different people now and we changed together we both laugh at how we’d never date each other now if us back then knew us today because we are “sinners”.



[–] YoHomie 0 points (+0|-0) 3 hours ago  (edited 3 hours ago)

In order to bag a High-Value Man, you must become a High-Value Woman. Look in the mirror, and ask if you’re looking at high-value. If not, get to work on it. A High-Value Man will walk away from anything less, as will High-Value Women. The bar scene is all about Fuck-N-Chuck, so if you’re looking for something else, you must look somewhere else. DO things that are fun and interesting to you and which involve settings with mixed company, anything from a trip to the zoo with friends to joining a book club – doesn’t matter. While you are doing those things, make small talk with guys who come across as interesting and go from there. Make meeting people the goal, not finding the great love of your life – only then will he come along.



[–] Subtenko 0 points (+0|-0) 3 hours ago 

OP, we should chat, view my Voatner profile…. x) (I feel like that should be some subverse, lol) ,Being nervous aint bad, well if the other persons a bit on the same level.

Red flags are someone who’s stuck up, thats one.

p.S. ive never heard of MyBae haha. Tinder sucks from what people have been saying. Ive never used any dating site tbh.



[–] avgwhtguy1 0 points (+0|-0) 2.8 hours ago  (edited 2.8 hours ago)

I assume chicks who use tindr are hoes; the kind of girl who is down to fuck based on looks and “not being creepy”, and only down to maintain a relationship given the man’s financial situation. I would never 2nd date a tindr girl. I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

btw, I dont use tindr.



[–] Clitorally_retarded 0 points (+0|-0) 2.8 hours ago  (edited 2.7 hours ago)

As a newly married guy who had some pretty successful short and long term relationships, your lifestyle and dating history is a red flag to me. Sort of like adopting a dog when you really want a hamster. Now, I may be weird, since I never picked up a random woman in a bar and had sex with her. Mostly because sex gets way better after the 3rd or 4th time and a one night stand is sort of lame.

I’d suggest getting offline and out of bars, finding shared activities, friends, or membership groups that will act as a filter for quality or other characteristics you want in a person. Your assessment of beauty honestly doesn’t matter – different guys are into all sorts of different body types and looks. Just take care of yourself and say no to random dick.



[–] I_am_the_clickbait 0 points (+0|-0) 2.6 hours ago 

I’m 34 and I’m a guy. I can’t give you too much advice but I’ll say this:

Learn to enjoy yourself and being alone. The 20s are great formative years where you truly learn the value of yourself and relationships. There is nothing wrong with getting drunk, sleeping around a little, making mistakes and above all, learning from it all. In the process you’ll gain confidence, a sense of self and truly know when you’re being appreciated. Just have fun and try not to take things too seriously until you have to.



[–] theburntsausage 0 points (+0|-0) 2.3 hours ago 

all the things you are doing are nothing but “get sex” methods. you want a relationship you might want to step outside the realm of pleasure and quick hookups and start looking for people in respectable places. Stop trying to find gold in an iron mine.



[–] BoozeytheClown 0 points (+0|-0) 2.3 hours ago 

Girls without education and employment are red flags for me.



[–] Butt_Slut 0 points (+0|-0) 2.3 hours ago 

Posting again because I forgot the obvious…

…if she’s ever dated or hooked up with a black guy, instant disqualification.



[–] AnxiousInfusion 0 points (+0|-0) 2.3 hours ago 

You’re life is 27% over. Hurry up and get a guy tick tock tick tock. Oh, and it’s probably not that you’re “chuck” material, but because all the campus bullshittery has driven guys avoid risks more than ever before.



[–] LOLATU 0 points (+0|-0) 2.3 hours ago  (edited 2.2 hours ago)

Swearing can be a turn off for sure. Most guys don’t want a girl that is crude in public. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets as the saying goes. But you got to do you and there’s somebody who will appreciate that. Might take a while to find though.

I always end up in a relationship when I’m not even trying to find one. Work on being happy with yourself by yourself. That’s something people can sense and it’s attractive. People that are really desperate for a relationship come off as clingy and needy. Biggest turn off for me is a clingy girl or one whose apartment smells strongly of cat urine… but that’s another story.



[–] zippitydoodoo 0 points (+0|-0) 2.2 hours ago 

At the risk of sounding shallow, bad breath will absolutely break any chance of anything happening.



[–] rulloff_in_a_jar 0 points (+0|-0) 2 hours ago  (edited 2 hours ago)

Try dating one of your male friends. You already have shared interest and I guarantee a few of them at least want to date you.

I’m someone who doesn’t want a relationship I also have no female platonic friends. Guys I know with female friends are almost always more likely to be relationship guys. So thr guy friend who has a crush, has something in common give him a shot because he probably wants a relationship as much as you, with you more than the pub guy you met.



[–] patricoles 0 points (+0|-0) 2 hours ago 

Coffee meets bagel is a better app. I get alot of smart women with masters or PhD who want a serious relationship. If you match you are given a week to chat.



[–] RedditDead2005-2015 0 points (+0|-0) 1 hour ago 

If she tells me she’s been “around the block”. Too many dates or too many relationships. No one likes used goods. I am usually the one who walks away, and if I’m walking away from a lot, then it means I have really bad judgment. If women are dumping me, then it means I must be a bad pick.



[–] SocratesOP 0 points (+0|-0) 50 minutes ago 

OP I’m late and you might not read this but here’s my piece:

I think this thread has been a good example of why the ‘red flag’ strategy is ineffective. It’s nice to think about relationships like a game of minesweeper; All you have to do is make a set of rules and put a little red flag on all of the “bombs” or failed relationships and you end up with a dream partner.

In reality there’s no easy math you can do to deduce if someone’s a disaster waiting to happen though, and you often have to just “click on them anyway” and deal with the result afterwords much like minesweeper.

In my opinion the best way would be to do some self evaluation and look for someone with similar values. Focus on green flags instead of red ones.



[–] CyrexCore2k 0 points (+0|-0) 15 minutes ago 

Maybe you’re boring?

I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve been on where the conversation goes well enough but the other person doesn’t seem to be doing anything. Almost no plans for the next week, month, year or whatever. If you don’t have any goals (even short term goals) or have any interest that you’ve dedicated a lot of time to (read: 10,000+ hours) it’s probably not going to work out.



[–] torhent 0 points (+0|-0) 6 minutes ago 

Dating in university is easy. For starters, quit going to bars. Next, join clubs that you have a legitimate interest in, you are in college they exist. Date men from there. Pay attention to the smart guys in your class as well, good chance they will be able to get a job after college and not sponge off you as well. You have a world of opportunity in comparison to someone outside of college. You can see it all and make your own choice, once you get out of college its a lot easier for guys to hide their problems.

Picking up some strange at the bar, where people go to fuck, not date, is not a great way to actually get a boyfriend. It is a great way to pick up a guy who wants to add more notches to his belt.



[–] Sikozen 0 points (+0|-0) 1 minute ago 

Find something you really enjoy, and start doing it.


Like hiking? Start looking for known trails. Video games? My favorite game store had tournament nights where they have bean bag chairs and nachos every two weeks. Books? Look for book clubs. Find something that YOU like, then find a social way to do it. Then, you’ll meet people that have at least ONE thing in common with you, and either A.) they dig you, you dig them, and you bone each other for the rest of your lives or B.) they know someone/are related to someone that you can meet through them and get to that ‘Happily Boning Forever After’ stage.

People dig confidence, which was why I suggested finding something you like. Doing what you love is very freeing. You are at your best when you are happy and passionate. Be your happy passionate self! And make sure you notice people around you – chances are there will be some quiet dude/dudette in the corner glancing at you, totally into you, too nervous to come speak to you, and then you get to be all alpha make the first move. RAWR! ALPHA!




[–] lava_lice -1 points (+1|-2) 5 hours ago  (edited 5 hours ago)

I think this post is fake. You sound like a guy. If I’m wrong, there’s your problem. Men want to date women not men. If you like to get drunk in bars and swear like a sailor, and who knows what else, you’re going to get stuck in the fuck not date category.